School's Out

Today was my last day of university. It's strange feeling.. I'm excited on one hand and really wanna streak on the high street but then on the other hand I'm a bit sad that it's all come to an end and I won't see everyone at uni and stuff and also a bit nervous about all the changes I'm facing. Also it seems like it's been ages since we started the degree but strangely it's gone so quick.. if that makes any sense. I've got no assignments to do, no deadlines, no schedule.. I'm kinda lost, I'm hanging because I've suddenly got nothing to do but my brain still tells me that I need to be doing something. I've got a job waiting for me more or less and I've got an interview next week but I'm only just beginning to wind down from uni so I'm not too excited about it all. I need a holiday really, and I need to meet new people coz all the old ones, I've lost contact with over the time I've been at uni. The ridiculous amount of course work just takes over your life and the random "I'm not coming out tonight I've got an assignment to do" turns into weeks, months and now years of no contact. I really don't know what to do with myself now but I plan to take it slow, one thing at a time. Above all, I thank God that I've got through the degree and passed it.

Specsavers

I went to Specsavers a couple of weeks ago, guess who I bumped into on my way back.... Everyone!! Hehehe. Okay on a serious note. I finally went to the Opticians to get my eyes checked. I used to wear glasses years ago but "lost" them in my early teens coz the frame (chosen by my dad) was massive, round and plastic and the lenses were think and tinted. But I couldn't put it off much longer coz being on placement and sitting in front of a computer all day strained my eyes and I was getting bags from all the squinting. So my colleague Hilary urged me to go to the opticians. To cut a long story short, I got my specs and I was so surprised by how clear everything is. I thought it was normal to have to squint at the bus to be able to tell what number it is or to wonder who that man coming towards me with a massive grin at the train station is (my boyfriend). Now I can recognise people from crazy distances and I don't see halos everywhere at night. The joys of technology, I can see!!!! It's so exciting. I din't think it would make such a difference but it has. Oh and I have to add, I got two designer pairs, FCUK and OSIRIS. Totally hot!

Anniversary

It's Stan and I's anniversary today, fourth anniversary! I can't believe it's been so long. I can remember well the day we met. We're both convinced it was fate. We had lived on the same road, about eight or nine houses away, for ten years but had only vaguely seen each other once or twice. On this day we were both in the queue to get on a combi (if you're from H you'll know what I mean) and I noticed this cute, decent looking guy in a blue T-shirt with faces on it. I remember thinking he was so hot and that if I knew him I'd joke that he looks like the dudes on his T-shirt, lol. Moving on, we both got on the same combi and I remember stealing glances at him. It turns out he was stealing glances at me too! **giggles**

About ten minutes away from homes, the combi driver noticed a road block with cops and did a sharp U-turn and took another route (only in H). About fifteen minutes on the combi just pulled up and we were told to get out because one of the tyres had a puncture and we'd have to find alternative ways to get home. Everyone got out and was waiting for other combis to get onto. All this time I was highly aware of Stan and my female premonition kinda made me aware of a connection to come.. or something. Then the worst thing happened. Some guy totally below my standards (gwash if u're from H) came and kept trying to talk to me; "Hello sista!" lol. I ignored him and walked a few steps away. Then Stan came closer and the first thing he ever said to me was "That was the longest bust ride ever".. You can only imagine the sharp increase in my heart rate and the excitement that he'd talked to me, lol. So anyway, he asked if I'd want to walk the rest of the way home with him and of course I did. We talked and talked and talked so much that we only realised we didn't know each other's names when we were about to reach my house probably twenty minutes from the place the combi had punctured. We said our goodbyes and thought that was it coz he didn't ask for my number!! But one week later he paid me a visit and here we are.

I can't say it's all been bliss but Stan's taught me so much about myself and we get stronger everyday. Looking back at the early days it seems like a lifetime ago but four years on I remember it like it was a week ago. The best days of my life. Only time can tell what the future holds. Hope we make the best of it.

Twenty three

So my birthday's come and gone. Got the mobile phone I so didn't hint for.. no I did not!! It's strange how the addition of just one digit can make you feel so much older. I feel I can't get away with as much as I could before because I can't just smile and act naive to get away with stuff. If I did that now people would think I was retarded. I've also started thinking things through before taking action and i often speak to myself (please tell me everybody does that), self motivating and analysing how far I've come and wondering what's to come. I've reached that point in life where you're almost out of education (finally) and life is a bit daunting because everything is going to change. Will I get a job? Will I get married and when and who to? When will I move out and where to? Will I handle the responsibility and independence? That scares me a lot because I've never been away from home. I've started making some minor changes though, subconsciously. Like wearing matching socks all week and buying proper newspapers, not tabloids or magazines. I guess I'm well and truly an adult now, I'm all growed up now!

Short straw!

Why do I always end up sitting next to the beggar/ drunk/ smelly person on the bus? All the time! Or the person with a loud mp3 player or the person chewing like a cow! I could just s-c-r-eaammmm!! On the way to some training I went to this afternoon there was a man behind me smelling of a brewery! And on my way back there was some guy in front of me that had that smell of homeless people! Nothing against homeless people who sleep rough though... unless they are sat in front of me on the bus shaking off their dandruff onto my lap!! aaarrrrggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

I reckon these are signs that I should get my license now. It's so about time! My tolerance levels are wearing thin and next time someone annoys me on the bus I'm afraid I might just harm them due to diminished responsibility!

22 March

My birthday is coming up soon, on the 22nd of March. I won't tell people though because I'm not one of those people who goes on about it way in advance just to get loads of presents. My mobile is playing up anyway so I can't ring or text people to let them know. It sucks because everytime I text the screen freezes and it does that when I call too.

Anyway back to my birthday, yeah I'm not one to campaign for presents. I've got my own count down strategy this time round. I am doing sit ups and exercising to tone up and look good when i go out for my birthday. A lateral thigh trainer would probably speed up the process though coz I'm having to be creative to devise exercises of my own. But I digress.

So yeah my birthday is coming up soon. Something to be excited about. I'm starting to panic about my age though. I think birthdays are celebrated to make people feel better about getting old and presents are bribes to cheer people up. Fair enough I guess. But yeah, I'll be keeping my birthday very quiet.

"Stalker Extraodinaire" the saga continues..

This was initially meant to be a comment on a post my cousin Tunga wrote, but it got so long I thought I'd add it to my blog and make it a sequel to his. Hehehehehehehehe! It had me in stitches!
http://tungamirayi.blogspot.com/2007/02/stalker-extraordinaire.html (sorry couldn't figure out how to hyperlink that)

Bottom line is hi5 turns you into a stalker, it does! My name's Amanda and I'm a stalker. I’ve been hiding myself on hi5 for months now by opting not to show people that I’ve viewed their page. I have certain targets that I stalk everyday (it probably runs in the family Tunga). I check if they've added any new friends. If they have added new friends I wonder who they are and how they know them and why. I also check whether their number of photo comments has gone up, and if so, who it is that has commented and what they have said. I also check if they've added new pics and where those pics were taken and who is in them and if there is a date on the pic I try to remember where I was when that pic was being taken and why I was not invited. I also check the last date they logged in. If they have logged in but there is no obvious change to their profile or statistics, I then wonder if they may have been mailing someone using the hi5 message inbox and if so who that might be.. Or even worse if they are stalking me or someone else too!! So who's the stalker? You ain't got nothing on me Tunga. Lol!!

P.S. If you have been affected by any issues in the above blog post contact Stalkers anonymous on 0800 323 825.

References: TUNGA Tu....007 2007., http://tungamirayi.blogspot.com/2007/02/stalker-extraordinaire.html
New York

Autopilot

Having spent the last 18 years in full time education and four of those in part time employment, I sometimes wonder how I've just carried on and stuck to it all and got this far. It's not like I like uni, I hate doing assignments, and it's not like school was heaven either and work, well I dunno man. I've realised that I'm not exactly in control of what I do with myself. It's all about expectations. Expectations from people and from my parents and society in general. For someone like me who's not a self motivator, the only thing that keeps me going is that I've got a timetable and that my diary tells me what to do each day. I've come this far by living on a schedule and without it I'd probably not get out of bed till late in the afternoon and vegetate all day. It takes a lot of will when I haven't got anything to do on the day just to get up and do stuff. It's strange but if you really think about it, a lot of us rely on a schedule to get things done... or at least I do. And when I do go about my business attending lectures and going to work I'm just going through the motions and doing everything on auto-drive because that's what my diary told me to get up and do. Hopefully nobody writes in my diary that I've got to go and rob someone coz I'll probably just get up and do it coz my schedule tells me to.

Ash Wednesday

It's that time of the year again when Catholics and Anglican's (Church of England) go through a period of uhmm.. fasting and stuff and prayer and just basically minimising the self indulgence that life tempts us with everyday (Make that Friday night for me).

I'm a Roman Catholic who went to only Catholic schools exclusively from the age of 4 to the age of 18. Even nursery school was Catholic. So I'm one of those people whose morals are based on guilt. The authority figures in the schools would indoctrinate us in what's right and what's wrong and lead us to a point where we thought our conscience was a separate entity that would whisper in our ear at night if we stole something or lied, telling us to own up and preventing us from getting some sleep. And when we were good, our conscience would be the monster in the closet waiting for us to do something wrong so the whispering could continue, basically reminding us to be "good". (The same conscience that terrorises me if I eat something fattening). I'm also from a strongly Catholic family who would take over from the nuns when I got home.

As a result of all that, I would feel bad if I didn't adhere to all the Catholic traditions such as not eating meat (except fish) on a Friday and if I skip church on a Sunday I beat myself up over it all week. And since it's Ash Wednesday, Lent begins today. For Catholics (and Anglicans too) that means giving something up for 40 days and 40 nights in memory of the time Jesus spend fasting in the wild.. desert.. place. It would not feel right if I didn't give something up for Lent and so I have decided to give up chocolate and cheese (and anything that contains them) and just generally not eat indulgence foods and subsidised lunches from work. I kinda feel guilty though coz I'm also aware of the fact that I'll benefit from this by losing weight over Lent. Last year I gave up sugar in my tea and coffee and stuff and ended up giving it up forever after I calculated how many teaspoons of sugar I had escaped over the 40 day period. But then again I chose to give these things up in a fasting way before I realised that I'll lose weight while I'm at it so I reckon it still counts a great deal. And I'll try to do some soul searching and cleansing while I'm at it just to make sure I'm "good" and that my conscience doesn't whisper at me at night.

Procrastination

I spent my whole day today telling myself I'd get my laundry, assignment, hair, cleaning, etc done. I haven't done any of that and now I'm kicking myself for it. I'm not too surprised with my self though. For as long as I can remember I've been a chronic procrastinator and it's got such a hold on me that I hope to do something about it some day. Probably some time soon. I work well under pressure though and if there's no reason to rush I relax until it's too late.. hence I always get to work or to lectures if not late, then just on time. I've got no sense of urgency, I guess I'm too laid back.

When I was a kid I'd only get out of the house to go to school when everyone was in the car and the dogs had gone deaf with all the hooting of the car horn. I'd have my shoes, socks, comb, bag and lunch box in my hands and my blazer tucked under my arm. Then my mum would have her daily go at me in the car about how I should be "jagged up" (don't ask me what that means, your guess is as good as mine) and how "everyday is a new day", as in I acted as if I didn't know the same old routine of getting ready for school each morning.. or at least that's what I thought she meant, Lol! Then we'd get to school and my mum would open her door (passengers side) and fix my collar then she'd lick her thumb and use it to wipe something off my face and to neaten my eyebrows. Had I been quicker in getting ready in the mornings, this routine inspection would have taken place at home beyond the view of all my friends. But still I never learnt and to this day I still take ages getting ready.

Back to today.. It was a peaceful Sunday. I eventually got up at midday and when I emerged from my room 30 minutes later, I told myself, loads of times, that I'd get all the stuff I needed to do done before 6:30pm when we went to church. I could still get them done now, it's only 8:45pm and there's still time. I'll just watch the news first and finish my hot chocolate then I'll get everything done.. eventually.

Those darn pics!

Have you ever had photos taken of you and been horrified to see that you've gained weight? Well I have! I've been the same weight for about two years up till December. I'm on placement now and I have my own office and for some reason I find it amusing to munch on biscuits and chocolates all day coz nobody's watching. When I shared an office with two other people I couldn't really eat unless I was on a break coz it's not allowed. I can't really blame it on the biscuits though. Being black, I'll eat anything on special offer and the hospital has subsidised food. I've been known to have three course lunches at work (placement) and the pudding is always soaked in custard no matter what it is... okay unless it's ice-cream! And then when I get home my mum will have made something really nice and I eat it all up!

Okay back to the point.. I saw these pics of me and realised people might mistake me for Willy and send me off to the ocean. The bathroom scales confirmed it too but I hadn't noticed at all that I'd gained weight!
I guess I have to start torturing myself again with sit ups and the lot. And ehmm.. hello again salads!

The irony of it all

My mum went home on Thursday to see my brother coz he's been having these migraines and he's been blacking out since he was 15. He's 30 now and he still blacks out but now he has seizures and stuff and nasty migraines. So it got really bad and my mum flew home to see him and the day she arrived (yesterday) my brother was alright, no blackouts all day not even a slight headache, but I on the other hand had the mother of all migraines. It was crazy. I thought I was gonna die! I threw up when I got home and all that (sorry if you're eating) and just basically felt awful. I had to leave my meeting early coz my vision was getting all blurred, lol. I mean what are the odds? So my mum ended up on the phone with me for ages telling me to go to A&E and stuff which I couldn't coz I could hardly open my eyes for all the brightness. My little sister (14) got back home from school soon after and she had a headache and felt nauseous too. What are the odds??? So my mum was with the wrong kid basically. She suspects there may have been a gas leak in our house while we slept the night before causing the headaches and nausea, lol, scurry! So my little sister and I just slept for a few hours and we felt better. My mum was horrified and worried she'd have to fly back within 24 hours of arrival, lol! The irony!

The power of a slug

Having not received anything (yet) for Valentine's day yesterday it was more than appropriate for a slug to step in and do the honours. My mum called out to me and I could hardly believe what I saw. A tiny little slug had somehow found it's way into our hallway and had left a trail... So? you must be thinking, hehehehe, you must be wondering how a slug could ever have anything to do with the blessed day of St Valentine. Well, so I shall continue. The slug had left a trail in the shape of a heart!! It was so uncanny it gave me goose bumps! I was so touched and decided not to salt the bugger! The first time we spot a slug on the carpet it turns out to be on Valentine's day and to have made a trail in the perfect shape of a heart. From that point on it really was a Happy Valentine's Day!

Blirgin

After much convincing from my cousin The Tung, I have decided to become a blogger. I am therefore no longer a blirgin and I am sure I shall find much amusement and delectation in recording my thoughts and providing mental fodder for great minds to consume.